Originally published at Faithful Not Successful
It’s a word so many long to read, but one that wasn’t even on my radar.
I kept waiting for the “not” to appear before the word on my digital test as it had done before. I was only 4 days late. It couldn’t be.
Thats the word that remained. Because that’s what I was.
I tend to ignore my sickness until my body absolutely forces me to deal with it. This happened last week when I decided to eat raw tomatoes turning my body into one big hive. For 4 days I itched beyond anything I've experienced before. Red and swollen, I made my way to the doctor's office for a steroid shot to deal with something I should have been forward-thinking enough to prevent on my own.
Melancholy is not bad. Happy is not bad. Frustrated or anxious is not bad. Emotions themselves are neither bad nor good, they simply are.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I woke up this morning feeling just... off.
I wandered, getting dressed for mass, convincing 2 of my 4 kids to attend with me, and found myself there, in the pew, listening to the first reading for today: You duped me O Lord, and I let myself be duped.
Wow. I thought, forgetting how bold the prophets were with the Lord in the Old Testament.
At the beginning of this year, like a few other people I know, I prayed for a word to come to me as my "theme for the year". What is it that the Lord wants from me? What should I be working on? It was difficult not to go into an endeavor like this with preconceived notions or visions of grandeur, but still, I attempted to approach the Lord with simplicity of heart, truly desiring to know his will for me.