I'm not exactly sure why, but I woke up this morning feeling just... off.
I wandered, getting dressed for mass, convincing 2 of my 4 kids to attend with me, and found myself there, in the pew, listening to the first reading for today: You duped me O Lord, and I let myself be duped.
Wow. I thought, forgetting how bold the prophets were with the Lord in the Old Testament.
Then the Psalm nearly broke me. Nearly a continuation of the thoughts of Jeremiah, it reads: My soul is thirsting for you O Lord, my God.
The 2nd reading states: Do not conform yourself to the thoughts of this age, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. Lord, you know I needed that.
Then the Gospel was the final straw for my emotional state today. "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Fine, Lord, you win.
Lord.... you know my heart right now. I woke up longing and thirsting. You allowed me to hear your word today and let me know that it is okay to long. It is okay to need something more. Ultimately, I need you. Until I allow myself to fully abandon my own desires, I will never be truly satisfied.
Lord, show me. Guide me. Move me in the right direction, and I submit myself to your will.