I am absolutely heartbroken over the recent school shooting in Florida. It hurts to read the news stories of what happened, but I will myself to do so. We cannot fight an enemy we do not know.
Lately my kids have been all about "fairness". They deem my generosity toward another kid as "unfair", while all I'm really trying to do is love on my kids with a few extra M&M's when (I thought) no one was looking. What I found myself telling them is to focus on what they are receiving, not what someone else has received.
And I stopped.
"Hmm," I thought. I like that. It seems like something I would have come up with.
I was using a word generator to give me my "Word of the Year". It was my first time using the generator. In the past, I had received a word in prayer to help guide my steps for the year - last year's word being Authenticity. The generator came up with the word "Known", and though I was loving this positive, warm and fuzzy word, something told me that God wasn't going to let me off the hook this year without some genuine reflection. He wanted to give input on the upcoming word of the year and the direction of my life.
It’s a word so many long to read, but one that wasn’t even on my radar.
I kept waiting for the “not” to appear before the word on my digital test as it had done before. I was only 4 days late. It couldn’t be.
Thats the word that remained. Because that’s what I was.
I tend to ignore my sickness until my body absolutely forces me to deal with it. This happened last week when I decided to eat raw tomatoes turning my body into one big hive. For 4 days I itched beyond anything I've experienced before. Red and swollen, I made my way to the doctor's office for a steroid shot to deal with something I should have been forward-thinking enough to prevent on my own.
Melancholy is not bad. Happy is not bad. Frustrated or anxious is not bad. Emotions themselves are neither bad nor good, they simply are.
I'm not exactly sure why, but I woke up this morning feeling just... off.
I wandered, getting dressed for mass, convincing 2 of my 4 kids to attend with me, and found myself there, in the pew, listening to the first reading for today: You duped me O Lord, and I let myself be duped.
Wow. I thought, forgetting how bold the prophets were with the Lord in the Old Testament.
At the beginning of this year, like a few other people I know, I prayed for a word to come to me as my "theme for the year". What is it that the Lord wants from me? What should I be working on? It was difficult not to go into an endeavor like this with preconceived notions or visions of grandeur, but still, I attempted to approach the Lord with simplicity of heart, truly desiring to know his will for me.
"Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am meek and humble of heart;
and you will find rest for yourselves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light."
This Gospel verse from today's reading seems to be a bit of a theme for my life lately.
Sometimes we can be lazy in faith.